I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
