All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
