she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
