too bad you live with your parents still
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
