You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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