I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
