What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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