I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
