i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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