just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
