Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
