He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
