Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
