i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
