She is in my trunk
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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