i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
