At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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