Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
