Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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