They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
