Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
