if i can run in heels then i can drive
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
