I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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