ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
