why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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