I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need to calm my uterus...
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