I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
