your parents love me but you hate me
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
