Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
