I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
farters have to be the big spoon...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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