He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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