and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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