So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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