Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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