It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
