Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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