So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
