You just made me feel so damn special
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
