isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
