I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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