when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
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My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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