I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
