Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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