I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
