Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
