It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
