I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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