If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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