I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
