I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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