So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
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Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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