Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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