i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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