Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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