I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
