My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
