So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
