put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
