Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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