even my farts smell like vagina
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
