I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
