i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
