dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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