you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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