I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
