I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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