Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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