I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
