do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
