Jerry, you need to find god
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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