If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There r osticjed everywhere
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
