just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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