What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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