There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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