All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
