i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
