I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
