i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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