i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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