I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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